Festival of Lights - - Happy Diwali

The Day of Diwali is the new day symbolising the first day of a new year after Lord Rama's return from Battle after 14 years. Rama was one of many forms of Lord Vishnu. On the Day of Diwali, it is also said that Goddess Lakshmi enters the house of those which are clean, bright and light up illuminating her path. Her presences brings happiness and good fortune.

While not an official national holiday in Canada, it is celebrated within the Indian communities nationwide. It is a holiday that can be celebrated by anyone and everyone.

Diwali is one of my favourite Hindu holidays. The best Diwali I had was in 1995. It was on October 22 and I lived in Fiji with my mom and grandparents on their sugarcane plantation. It was amazing. We had a Diya Symbol made from lights planted on the roof of our house, my grandma and mom made tons of Indian sweets. We had diyas lining up the porch and my grandma, sister and I made a beautiful and bright Rangoli with Diya's illuminating it. My mother had lined up our drive way with lights, and we created makeshift ground lanterns and stuck them all over the compound. We hung lights from the tamarind tree, and all the surrounding mango trees. It was the most beautiful and most bright I had ever seen our family home to be. We received compliments to no end and I truly appreciated the adults efforts that Diwali. Oh, lets not forget my favourite part of Diwali - I get to play with fireworks and see them illuminate the skies!!! We ate, laughed, hosted, lite fireworks, hugged, kissed, sang, ate some more and just loved the night away!!

The following evening was the beginning of the three day Diwali festival and I was to do several dance performances as well as choreograph some dances. My mother picked up my sister and I at 4:45 PM from school and we drove 15 minutes out of town to get to our home. Excited and happy for the residual energy from Diwali, we were all extremely cheery.

Before we pulled into the half mile driveway, my mother asked us to settle down a little because she wasn't feeling good. That didn't sit well with us. When we arrived on the compound, our friend was sitting on my swing covering her face with her hands. As she looked up, we saw tears streaming down her face. She gets up to approach mom's car as we get closer. She notifies my mom that my grandma had rushed to the hospital with my nana because he had fallen ill. My mother immediately dropped us off and head straight to the hospital.

For hours we waited, and for hours I started to dread. My mom and grandma arrived around 8:15 PM and soon after guests started arriving. Because they returned alone, I knew my favourite person in the world was taken away from me and I didn't get to tell him how much I loved him and cared for him. The only father I ever knew was no longer physically there.

Diwali October 23, 1995 - my heart broke for the first time beyond repair. It sucked the light out of our lives.

I hope every Diwali that my mother will turn around and bring that joy back so my brother can experience it for the joyous holiday it is. Unfortunately, I step up and attempt to do that.

Here is to another year, here is to another Diwali.

May the diya you light bring you a year of endless happiness, love, good health and prosperity.

Happy Diwali to everyone near and far.
 

Life means nothing...

Sincere apologies for delayed post regarding Day three of my three Day Landmark Forum!

I was reminded of the most important lessons my mother taught me in my childhood and some newer revelations as a courtesy of this forum and I tell you... I feel like WHOLE!

Lesson one: Be ME! Mother always told me that pretending to be someone else will never win me favours.

Lesson two: If the past holds me, my future will be my past. So, it is in my hands to be in the present with the past in the past, and the future to remain as the future. Now is the Focus.

Lesson Three: Embrace Nothingness and it will lead the possibility of Everything!

I went through the motions when I signed up to the Forum:
 - - Hated being there for the first half of the day
 - - Opened up to the concept of actually listening to what was being said
 - - Reeled in what I learned by midnight of the first night
 - - absorbed the contents of the 2nd day
 - - released all the angst, anger, heartbreak, whatever else I had bottled up inside before the end of the 2nd day
 - - 3rd day, I am a woman of my word
 - - by the end of the 3rd day, I felt WHOLE! I felt Lighter than air!

Today, I feel it all.

I have made some important and big promises to 150 people and I plan to keep them for my Integrity.

For anyone who feels lost regarding anything - personal or professional, I would recommend doing the Landmark Forum! In addition to the 3 day, 12 hour coaching, I received 10 free seminars for coaching!

Keep with me, and you'll know what my promises are.

X

- - “Nothing, Everything, Anything, Something: If you have nothing, then you have everything, because you have the freedom to do anything, without the fear of losing something.”
― Jarod Kintz

Goodbye Past!!! Hello New Life!

Day two of three of the Landmark Forum, and I tell you, I am feeling lighter, freer, and appreciative of my life.

One of Landmark's New realm philosophy is 'the constraints of the past imposes on your view of your life disappears, a new view of life emerges.'

I always thought myself to be adaptable and progressive. What I learned about myself today was that regardless of how much I consider myself to be the above, I didn't wholly appreciate either qualities to the fullest extent. Why, you ask? Well, I always knew I had childhood issues (just like any other child really) that impeded my ability to comprehend and appreciate any and all possibilities to the fullest extent. While I would have an agreement with myself to move forward, adapt and develop, the end result would be discontent with my situation (regardless of how wonderful or different). These are realizations I have come to on my own. I also realized the importance of me restoring my relationship with my mom, sister, brother, stepfather and biological father (the biggest wound of all!!)

I made explorative phone calls to my sibs, my mother and am on the hunt to have a breakthrough with a man whom I haven't had contact with for over 25 years!

In addition, I am making promises of consequence to myself, and restructuring my value system.

SO... that was what I explored about myself but let me tell you about the forum itself.

The speaker and assisting team are emotionally removed from the whole process. They are not compassionate to my 'story' (my interpretation of what happened). If they showed any level of empathy, compassion or sympathy to my story, they will be enabling my story, validating my story and in turn reducing my chances to create change in my life or not helping me understand the difference between what happened and the story. If I think back to myself as a child, that is how I processed anything anyone would say to me. Without being inflicted by anyone's story, my response would be honest and to the point. This is how they operate. It is a  BLUNT, TO THE POINT AND HONEST method of speaking. Something I do still (the child in me has yet to leave), but will now employ even more vigourously on a personal level.

I am beginning to understand the importance of sharing my experience and encouraging those I share with to join in my experience. Not only is it an opportunity to heal themselves, but it is also creating a support system. A support system that will understand me based on the language I have learned from the Forum, and they will be able to communicate with me in the same manner. Simultaneously, we (my support system and I) will be invested and will continue to relish and reel in the personal growth for the betterment of each other.

All of the above are my interpretations and realizations from today's exercise. To fully understand my conclusions, I haven't much to say except, experience it for yourself as that will speak volumes. (Something to review: Breakthrough Technology)

I have shed my fears, past stories, now I am truly free and open to new possibilities.

Excited for Day 3!
~s


- - Quote of the night:
Another flaw in the human character is that everyone wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance.
 - - Kurt Vonnegut
 

'Gensis Realm of Possibilities'

Today was the first of three 12 hour days of my Landmark Forum experience. The 12 hour day begins at 9 AM with three breaks - - two 30 minute breaks and assignments to complete during this and one 1.5 hour break to meet and speak with other participants - - and a few 15 second stretch breaks because 9 hours are spent sitting.

It began with the speaker focusing half the day spent lecturing us on 'enrolling someone to the experience.' The word enrolling means to register/to enlist/to place on a list. That started me off on a negative path because I had barely started an experience and the instructor was already pushing me to 'enroll' someone into the program for the betterment of my result! How does that make sense?! I, like many, was perplexed and uncomfortable by this idea. I am a strong believer in allowing the experience be the influencer.

By the second 30 minute break, I was on negative path and ready to grab my things and depart. I felt the pushy tactics for me to 'enroll' others was unnecessary. Regardless of my strong negative feelings, I stuck it out. After the second break, I went through a wave of emotions as a result of the Speakers communicating tactics. I found him to lack compassionate, rude (he kept interrupting any courageous individuals who would step up to express), and just overall unengaging. Just before our 1.5 hour break, he conducted a poll to see where everyone was on an emotional and attention capacity (Confused/baffled - half of the 150 ppl; Negative and icky - 30%; Bored/Apathy - ONLY ME!!!!)  I cannot tell you if I was the only honest individual or just the only one who felt that way, but I did and I am confident he was baffled by that.

During the 1.5 hour break, I met four interesting ladies who explained there reasons for being at the Forum (confidential so I cannot share). However, two of the four were privileged as the experience was paid for by their employers. How fortunate, I say! However, I doubt they will have the same experience as those individuals who have invested their hard earned $675.00 dollars for this forum.

On our way back, one of the girls notified me of the reason why the speaker lacks compassion and so forth. I would love to share that but it is a Landmark secret and I wouldn't want to destroy is effectiveness. However, that certainly changed my perception on the forum as I was far more involved in the last 2.5 hours of the day. I did feel that the speaker was scoffing a lot more at my responses as a result of my hand raising for Bored during the polling.

On my way, I was still skeptical regarding the whole day, I felt I had not learned anything new. Everything talked about was something I learned at other workshops which I had attended for work purposes.

@11:45 PM on October 17, I had a revelation. It was like reading a book for the first time and absorbing certain information. But when I would start thinking about the contents from that book, my perceptive changed and I felt I was absorbing other details which I had missed at first. That is exactly what I felt and thought. Going over the details of this long and testing 12 hour day, I realized alot about my past indiscretions and errors. The main one that has impacted me for years was the blame I've angrily and frequently thrown towards my mother. My disregard for her life and her care for us, instead I blamed her for a 'shitty' life. I say 'shitty' because immediately after, I evaluated my life and I tell you, I've been blessed and fortunate to have such an amazing mother. One who has given up plenty and taken much on to forge a wonderful life for my siblings and I in a new country (Canada).

Immediately after my revelation, I called my mother to appologize for my behaviour in the past many years, and to let her know that I don't blame her for what has gone wrong in my life. I know the reasons and none of which have anything to do with her. A wonderful conversation followed and I could sense her beaming ear to ear on the other end of the phone. I tell you though, I LOVE LOVE LOVE my mother more than life itself. I also wrote a letter to my biological father indicating that I am relinquishing him of any fatherly responsibilities he feels entitled and that I didn't blame him for his lack of existence.

Following that, I have had the most open and enlightening conversations with my boyfriend and his brother (also in this weekend's Landmark Forum).

Surprisingly, this day has turned out to better me. I feel better, feel lighter, feel freer and I see possibilities.

Keep tuned for the next two days and I'll tell you what's up!

Live on living on.
s

Heart open, Eyes can see, I am ready to live...

October 8th - Surrey BC

Today, I awoke with a start. I opened my eyes to the 29th year of my life and in that moment, I was overwhelmed with the choices I had made, the regrets, and without gratitude for accomplishments. Odd that my accomplishments seemed so minor compared to the goals I set for myself. I awoke realizing I do not want to waste my 29th year of life trying to achieve goals that were imprinted on me by cultural desire, societal opinions or anyone else.

This year is special! It is my last, and I will do what I want to do. I will so something new every week for the rest of my 29th year. I will break boundaries, look past limitations, exceed my expectations and please the desires of my heart!


You are welcome to follow my journey. You are welcome to join me in this journey by living alongside me or giving me ideas of potential activities.

Until my next post, be unafraid. Unafraid to live your life to the fullest.

Ready to live.
~s